


Behind Your Back

by camichats



Series: Imagine James and Sirius Prompts [73]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Eventual Happy Ending, M/M, Married Couple, Not Cheating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2018-08-13
Packaged: 2019-06-26 23:24:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15673398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/camichats/pseuds/camichats
Summary: James thinks that Sirius is cheating on him, and he tries to be a better husband for it. It doesn't really work out.





	Behind Your Back

**Author's Note:**

> For the prompt: "What about one where one of the boys, either James or Sirius, thinks the other is cheating on them, and the other is just confused as to what's happened."
> 
> This got real angsty and complicated, somehow.

 The thing was, James trusted Sirius. He never got jealous because Sirius never even glanced at the people throwing themselves at him, and he never once thought that Sirius would cheat on him. That gossip paper ‘The Prophet’ wrote articles every now and then since Sirius was the head of the Black family, and half the time it was saying that he must have gotten tired of James and had found a boy on the side. James never believed it because it was so ludicrous.   
  
So right now... he didn't think that Sirius was cheating on him, he knew that he was. Sirius was in the shower, and all James could think was that he was glad that they'd finished before he got home. Sirius had probably meant to change the sheets, and surely this other person-- whoever they might be-- didn't mean to leave their jumper behind, but James had gotten home a little early, leaving Sirius with no time to clean up. At least he didn't have to smell them on Sirius-- smelling them on the sheets was bad enough. He put the jumper in the laundry bin and stripped the bed to shove them in as well.   
  
He didn't think about it.   
  
He went to the linen closet in the hall and pulled out what he needed. Fitted sheet, flat sheet, two pillowcases. He was just dressing the bed because it was Friday, and they did laundry on the weekend, that's all this was.

He went to the kitchen and wondered if they should go out for dinner or if he should make something. Usually they stayed home on Fridays, but then, they stayed home most days. They'd been married for a few years now, and James had thought Sirius was okay with the domestic and admittedly monotonous turn their life had taken in that regard. Shagging someone else on their bed didn't tend to mean everything was okay though-- going out for dinner it is.   
  
He didn't want to surprise Sirius with something too fancy, so he called up Andi's Thai place and said they were planning on coming in for dinner if the place wasn't too busy?   
  
"I'll always have room for you two," she assured him. "I'm surprised though, I talked to Sirius earlier today and he didn't say anything."   
  
"Yeah," James forced a laugh, and it felt more natural than he'd dared to hope. Apparently not lying didn't mean he wasn't good at it. "Spur of the moment decision, you know?"   
  
Andi laughed. "You didn't feel like cooking did you?"   
  
"Guilty as charged. See you soon?"   
  
"Yep. Give Sirius a kiss for me!" she said, and hung up.   
  
The water shut off, and James went to wait on the couch, turning on the telly while he waited.   
  
"Hey," Sirius said when he came out of their room, sounding mildly surprised. His hair was pulled back, and he looked as gorgeous as he always did. James didn't know if it bothered him that he looked the same. "You got home early."   
  
James smiled at him, and it was even easier than talking to Andromeda. "Yeah, finished my paperwork early." He got up and pressed a kiss to Sirius's cheek, relieved when he leaned into it like always. "I called up Andi, she said we could go there for tea."   
  
Sirius raised his eyebrows. "We're going out?"   
  
"Yeah, if you want."   
  
Sirius grinned. "Well, guess I better go put on my best dress then." He gave James a quick kiss and went to go change out of his sweats, and James thought that maybe this 'sleeping with someone else' thing was a one time deal. Dinner was good, as always, and Sirius didn't act like anything was off.   
  
When they got home, James pushed him against the wall and kissed him fervently. Sirius was surprised at his sudden energy but matched it eagerly, clawing at his shirt to get him closer. James tried to keep his mind off Sirius's earlier activities, but with each step he couldn't help but note the lack of evidence on Sirius's body. No hickies, he noticed, unbuttoning Sirius's shirt and pushing it off his shoulders.   
  
Not loose, he noted, pressing lubed fingers inside Sirius as he was laid on the bed, legs spread and begging for more. Either Sirius had topped or they didn't do any penetration. Sirius moaned his name when he started sliding in, and James tucked his face in Sirius's neck so he wouldn't notice anything was wrong. James couldn't help but wonder what he did wrong, what he could do to make Sirius stay. His body took care of what his mind wasn't paying attention to, and it surprised him when he came, buried deep in Sirius and rocking his hips.   
  
He collapsed to the side of Sirius, their legs still intertwined. "God," Sirius said, swallowing to try and get his voice back to normal, "what did I do to deserve that?"   
  
"Just love you is all," he mumbled.   
  
"Well, any time you're in the mood to love me, I'm here for it."   
  
"I always love you."   
  
Sirius turned his head and kissed James's shoulder. "Love you too."   
  
And that was the moment he knew that it didn't matter if Sirius was screwing someone else on a regular basis. As long as Sirius was here and telling him that he loved him, that was all he needed. He used to need all of Sirius, and he still craved it, but... he could part with a piece of him if it meant getting Sirius to stay. If he got greedy and told Sirius that it was only him or him not at all, Sirius would leave. He held him tighter and managed a fitful sleep that night. 

* * *

James worked harder to get home earlier. He brought Sirius out on dates more often, did the chores he was supposed to be doing on time instead of late, got him presents, and all around tried to be a better husband. He thought it was working; it had felt like it was working, until one day he bought Sirius a necklace, and instead of opening it like James had been expecting, he set it to the side and pinned James with a worried look.   
  
"Did you want something else?" James asked, staring balefully at the box.   
  
"What?" Sirius followed James's gaze to the present and snorted. "No, no it's not about that, it's just- are. James are you dying?"   
  
He blinked. "What?"   
  
"Are you-" Sirius licked his lips "-are you sick or summat?"   
  
"No. I- why would you think that?"   
  
He gestured at the gift. "All the presents, and skiving off work, and," he paused to give a little laugh, "the sex. It just- it feels like you're trying to do something. I mean, you're here all the time now when you used to spend most of the day at the office. I wanted to make sure you were okay."   
  
_You're here all the time now when you used to spend most of the day at the office_ , repeated in James's mind. Oh. "Okay."   
  
Sirius frowned in confusion. "Okay? Okay what James? You've not explained anything."   
  
He looked at his hand on the tabletop. Huh. He needed to trim his nails. "Thought maybe you were feeling neglected." He shrugged. "Wanted to let you know that I still loved you. But I suppose if you're fine...?"   
  
"I am." He covered James's hand in his own. "I don't want you to overwork yourself for me Jamie. I'm not worth all that," he joked with a crooked smile. "Take your time at work, don't rush, I'll always be here when you get home. And," he pushed the present back to the middle of the table, "as much as I love all the presents, you don't have to do that. I'm fine, James. I'm happy, you don't need to try and buy it for me."   
  
"You don't want it," he said flatly.   
  
"Course I want it, I'm just trying to tell you that you don't have to."   
  
"I can return it if you don't want it."   
  
Sirius frowned again. It was like James was having a completely different conversation than he was, and it left him feeling off kilter. It wasn't supposed to be like this, this was James he was talking to-- when were they ever not on the same page? "James, are you sure you're okay?"   
  
"Fine," he said, wrenching his hand back to himself and walking to the living room.   
  
Sirius went after him, but James had clammed up, not responding to any of his promptings.   
  
Three days later, and it seemed James had taken him at his word that he wanted everything to go back to the way it used to be. He got home late and was thoroughly uninterested in starting anything sexual. He didn't end up returning the necklace because he'd left it on the table, and Sirius added it to his jewelry box. It was gorgeous, and he was happy to have it, but something about all this felt off. James had been desperate for something, and Sirius did his best to give it, but it hadn't stopped after a few weeks and he'd thought that talking to him would help.   
  
He shouldn't have let James walk away from the table. He should have insisted that they talk everything out because a few things had been better with James's change, he just hadn't liked the emotion driving him.   
  
And now he didn't know what to do. James was working long hours, gave Sirius perfunctory kisses, and now he didn't even pull him in for cuddles at night. It felt like James was slipping away, and Sirius didn't know what to do. He tried to be extra happy every time he saw him, but if anything that pushed James further away.   
  
For his part, James didn't know what to do either. Sirius was happier now, the more space James gave him. He didn't want a divorce, but maybe that's what Sirius wanted? He hadn't said anything-- or even hinted at it-- and they were still sleeping in the same bed, but every once in a while there were clothes hidden in the laundry that belonged to neither of them and smelled like that same perfume. Same person every time then, which was probably worse than if Sirius was just sleeping around for the sex. The same person every time meant... feelings, and James couldn't do anything about that. He couldn't do anything about Sirius's affair anyways, but if Sirius was in love with someone else, that meant divorce was inevitable.   
  
His work was starting to- not get worse, but it was noticeable that something was wrong to everyone that worked with him. His boss even sent him home for the day around lunch time. He protested but obviously was overrode, so here he was, pulling into the driveway a full six hours before he usually did. He was feeling so down that he didn't even notice the extra car parked on the curb in front of their house.   
  
They only locked the door at night or when both of them were gone. Sirius didn't leave very often, so he tried the door without bothering to fish out his keys. Like he expected, it wasn't locked, so he was able to walk right in.   
  
Walk right in and see Sirius cuddled up on the couch with an awfully familiar redhead. Both of their heads jerked to look at him when they heard the door, and all three of them froze.   
  
"Lily?" he asked, unable to stop himself from giving Sirius a betrayed look. "What the bloody fuck is she doing here?"   
  
"Hullo James." Lily cleared her throat and got to her feet, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "Listen, we were just-"   
  
"I don't want to know," he said, voice hard as he cut her off. He turned back around and walked out the door, hearing Sirius curse behind him.   
  
He didn't make it to his car before Sirius caught up to him, putting a hand on his shoulder and turning him around. "I'm sorry James, I know I should have told you-"   
  
"Shut it." He glanced back at the doorway and saw Lily standing there awkwardly. The betrayal, the pain, and the stress from the past couple weeks hit him all at once and his eyes welled up with tears. "Does it have to be her?"   
  
"Does what have to be her?"   
  
James shook his head. "I don't care that you're shagging someone on the side Sirius- well, I mean I do but- does it have to be her? You know what she did." Lily was his ex, but it wasn't something as simple as a break up that split them. They'd been dating at Hogwarts, and somehow she had ended up pregnant around the time they graduated. They'd decided to get married as soon as possible for the baby, only she never showed up. Her flat was empty, she'd left her phone behind, and none of her family or friends had any idea where she went-- or if they did, they played the part of not knowing extremely well. She dropped off the face of the earth, and it buggering hurt. He later realised that the wedding would have been a giant mistake, but he couldn't approve of her way of canceling. They hadn't been in love, but he deserved better than a runaway bride and not knowing what happened with the fetus. Had she aborted? Had she raised them alone? Had she gotten together with someone else and told the kid that that was their biological father? He had no idea, and that was worse than the blinding embarrassment of being stood up at his own wedding.   
  
"Wh- _shagging_ ? James, exactly what do you think she's doing here? What do you think _I'm_ doing?"   
  
"You're--" James stopped and swallowed around the lump in his throat then tried again. "You're having an affair. And it's okay, Sirius," he said quickly, "really it's okay if that's what you need, but does it have to be with Lily?"   
  
Sirius was staring at James in disbelief. "I'm not having an affair. I'm not bloody _fucking_ someone else James, what the hell! How could you think that?"   
  
James shied away from Sirius's anger but didn't back down. "The bed was all mussed, and you were taking a shower. In the middle of the day. She left a jumper on the floor, too."   
  
"And you assumed I was fucking someone else instead of asking me what was going on."   
  
"I didn't want to hear you say it," he said quietly.   
  
"And you wouldn't have! Because I'm not! For fuck's sake James, do you really think I'd do that to you? Ever? And with Lily of all people? What the hell kind of tosser do you think I am?"   
  
"I- I don't- it wasn't," he stammered, starting to think that maybe Sirius hadn't had a person on the side, which made him the biggest git in existence.   
  
Sirius's face hardened, and he grit his teeth. "Get back inside the house James. You're going to sit down, and we're all going to talk."   
  
Meekly, he nodded and headed to the door. Lily got out of the way when she saw him coming, and she waited at the entrance for Sirius to come through, closing the door behind him.   
  
"Kitchen, now," Sirius ordered. James went, and Lily hesitated before following him. James slunk into his seat, head bowed and praying that this wouldn't last long, but not holding out hope for that option. Lily took the seat furthest from him, but it was a small room and only put her a little over a meter from him in the chair directly his opposite. Sirius was in the chair between them since there were no other options, really. "Lily," he said lightly, voice deceptively calm, "why don't you tell James about the first time you contacted me."   
  
"I- er I looked him up in the book and gave the number a call. Figured, where's the harm, right? I shouldn't have left the way I did," she said haltingly. "I wanted to come back and make things right by you, but... I was afraid that you'd- well, run off rather like you just did. Figured that talking to Sirius was the best way to go about it. I erm." She stopped and licked her lips nervously. She pulled her phone out of her pocket and unlocked it, tapping until she brought up the photo she was looking for, and turned it around so James could see. It was a picture of a child grinning brightly at the person behind the camera-- Lily, most likely-- a bit dirty but undeniably related to James. "His name's Harry. Er- Evans for simplicity's sake, you know? He's gotten old enough to start asking about you, and- well. You would have been a good father, I think. I-" she tripped over her next words and looked to Sirius for support. "I want you to meet him, if you're keen."   
  
"And how long ago was this?" Sirius prompted.   
  
"A month and a half, I think." Her eyes darted between the two of them. "I asked Sirius not to tell you, James. He wanted to, but I asked him to wait until I was ready. I'm sorry if it- caused any issues in your relationship. I didn't mean to."   
  
"So you've... been here a lot then?" James asked.   
  
"Yes. Erm. Should I not have done?"   
  
"Apparently," Sirius pitched in, "my dear and loving husband thought I was sleeping with someone behind his back."   
  
"Oh," Lily said, paling. "Er." She looked between the two of them again, more frantically than before. "Should I go?"   
  
"For the moment, please Lils," Sirius said, voice still mild.   
  
"I can come back tomorrow if you like?"   
  
"That might be best."   
  
She nodded, standing and pausing awkwardly before going to put her shoes on and grab her purse. "Bye Sirius, I'll text you when I leave tomorrow. Er- James, it was... nice to see you again. Sorry. Again. Erm, bye." She left, and they sat in the kitchen in silence for a moment.   
  
"You thought I was having an affair," Sirius said.   
  
"Yes," he admitted, because there was no way out of this now.   
  
"Want to tell me why?"   
  
"I- I already did. The bed, and the clothes, and the- perfume." He shrunk in on himself. Even now, knowing that Sirius hadn't been stepping out on him, the memory of all these things made him want to cry.   
  
"That's why you got me all those presents," Sirius said, realising it as he said it. "The coming home early, doing all the chores, going out to eat... that's because you thought I was cheating. Right?"   
  
He nodded.   
  
Sirius ran a hand through his hair, grabbing a fistful and tugging to try and ground himself. It didn't really work. "What did you think that was going to do? No, you know what, forget that. Why did you stay? James, if someone cheats on you, you leave them! You don't try and be a better husband to convince them to stay with you, you dump their arse and let them rot in hell!"   
  
"I-" he stopped and wrapped his arms around himself for some modicum of comfort. "I wanted you to stay. It was worth it, if you stayed with me."   
  
Sirius made a noise of pure frustration and slammed his hand on the table. "You don't beg for forgiveness James! If I ever cheat on you, you are going to kick me out and leave me without any money to my name, do you hear me? You don't do... this," he said, motioning to James's slumped form and defeated expression. "Why would you do this, James?"   
  
He shrugged, shoulders tight and blinking away the tears that came to his eyes.   
  
"James," he said again, but he didn't look up. "What do you expect me to do? What am I supposed to do about this?"   
  
James cleared his throat before saying anything, knowing it would come out rough if he didn't. "Nothing. We can ignore it. Go back to normal."   
  
"Normal wasn't working, James. If it was, you wouldn't have been so quick to believe that I was cheating on you." He winced, and Sirius sighed. "James, I wasn't accusing you of anything, I'm just pointing out that going back to normal isn't going to fix anything. I love you, I want for us to stay together, and if we try to pretend that nothing's happened, we're going to break up. I don't want that to happen, do you?"   
  
"No."   
  
"Okay," Sirius said, a little relieved. "Then let's talk."   
  
James made a face and wiped at his eyes when that made a few tears slip out of his eyes. "About what?"   
  
"I... fuck," Sirius said, giving a short laugh. "I dunno. Trust, what we expect from each other. What we're going to do now that you've got a kid, maybe."   
  
James took his glasses off and pressed his palms to his eyes. "I'm sorry."   
  
"For what?"   
  
"Jumping to the wrong conclusion? I just- I thought I had proof." He shook his head. "I should have trusted you more, and I didn't. I nearly- bugger I nearly destroyed us."   
  
"Woah hey hey hey," Sirius said, scooting his chair right next to James's and putting his arms around him and pulling him close. "Don't give yourself that much credit, love, I could've been better about this too. I wasn't exactly acting innocent. And then when you started going overboard, I didn't ask where it was coming from, I just told you to stop it. Fuck." He tucked his nose into James's hair, breathing deeply. "I'm so sorry James."   
  
"You didn't do anything," he said thickly.   
  
"I could have done better. I'm not saying it's my fault because this isn't anyone's fault. You didn't do anything wrong, James, we just got put in a shit situation and made assumptions based on what information we had. We just- we need to talk more. Keep this from happening again, y'know? I don't fancy a repeat of this."   
  
"Okay. If you're sure."   
  
"Of course I'm sure. James... sweetheart, I can't lose you either, you know that, don't you?"   
  
He let out a sound that sounded more like a sob than a laugh, but Sirius didn't point it out. "It's nice to be reminded every once in a while."   
  
**Four Months Later**   
  
They were all sat at the cafe with their hands around their tea and a plate of pastries for them to share. 'Them' was now James, Sirius, Lily, and Harry. Harry was getting to now his dads, and James was working on being normal around Lily. Four months was a good chunk of time, but it was difficult to get past 'we nearly got married and you left me at the altar', no matter that it had been a good decision for everyone involved.   
  
Harry was a bit young to understand that, so they settled for telling him that Lily and James had split without her knowing that she was pregnant. When he was older, he would probably clue in to the tension that occasionally overcame the conversation when certain subjects were brought up, but for now it worked, and he welcomed the two new additions to his family.   
  
"So how's school, Haz?"   
  
He made a face, tearing his scone into crumbly, unmanageable pieces. "My math's professor told me not to go ahead in the book again."   
  
"Harry stop playing with your food," Lily chided, and Harry's hands came to a stop. He wiped his hands off on a napkin before wiping them off again on his trousers. "Why'd he tell you not to go ahead?"   
  
"It's ahead of the class. I don't know why he's being such a git about it, it's only a couple of pages, and it's still too easy."   
  
"Don't call your teacher a git," Sirius said automatically. "So you're bored in class? You already got permission to go ahead a little didn’t you?"   
  
Harry nodded, and they all shared a look. It was probably time to talk to his teachers about advancing him a grade, for maths if nothing else, though he could probably use it for his english classes as well. Guess they'd be taking care of that this week, then. They continued talking, listening to Harry's stories about what his friend Ron and his older brothers had gotten up to the past week before heading their separate ways.   
  
"So," Sirius said, linking his fingers through James's as they watched Harry and Lily head to their car.   
  
"So?"   
  
"I was thinking, maybe we should ask them to move in?"   
  
James blinked, turning to look at Sirius. "You want them to?"   
  
Sirius shrugged one shoulder. "Well. Lily has to keep traveling back and forth to get Harry to school and to get to her job, and we're basically raising him the three of us now anyways. It just... makes sense to get all the parents in the same house, don't you think? And we've got the room. Our house is huge, and we have three empty rooms. There's only two of them," he pointed out. "We'll still have plenty of room if they move in."   
  
James hummed, thinking it over. "I guess," he said slowly, "it wouldn't be all that bad."   
  
"We can wait on it a bit," Sirius said. "Lily's lease isn't up for renewal for another three months, we can wait until then to ask her. This is a pretty big step, obviously. We can mention it to her, let her think about it before she tells Harry. Maybe taking it slow and thinking about it is what we all need right now."   
  
"Yeah, probably. Have I mentioned that I love you today?"   
  
"Once or twice," Sirius said coyly. "Not really enough, you know. I need to be showered in affection or I wither. C'mon James, you know that." He pushed at James's shoulder with a grin, the expression going wider when James pulled him in for a kiss.   
  
"I love you." He gave him a quick peck and pulled away.   
  
"Aww c'mon, you call that a kiss?"   
  
"I call it 'we're in public and I'm not going to snog you in the middle of a street'."   
  
Sirius rolled his eyes. "Prude."

**Author's Note:**

> This is from a prompt driven blog @[imaginejamesandsirius](https://imaginejamesandsirius.tumblr.com) on tumblr. Feel free to drop by!


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